Jasper Pennies Reviews: Atlas Shrugged

So I recently read Atlas Shrugged and it was really boring.  Unlike Ayn Rand’s other novels, no one got raped.  So it was extremely disappointing.  And everything else was really boring.  They kept talking about Reardon Metal, named after someone’s rear.  I wish I could say there was good parts to this book, but it kept focusing on some damn train.  Twenty pages was filled with unnecessary realism.  Like, 20 pages was just “chugga chugga choo choo” repeating.  I got so tired I just skipped to the last chugga chugga choo choo part.

Choo choo or something

And then there was some chick called Dafney (which they totally stole from Scooby Doo) and she was dumb.  Dumber than my ex-wife plus my dog and that’s saying a lot.  She kept saying how you had to be an individual.  Yeah, and I learned in kindergarten that you’re supposed to share.  So take that Rand.  I am an individual, duh.  I thought anyone who had a brain knew that.  I am often beating up people who are in the crowd or running them over if they’re bigger than me.  That’s just commonsense.

Anyway, all the rich people start going missing or something and I’m supposed to feel sorry because Bill Gates’ picture is on a milk carton.  Anyway, I can’t remember what happened to the rich people.  I think they put all their slush funds underneath a volcano and lived on the volcano or something.  Real smart.  Honestly, if I was rich, I’d probably do the same thing and say fuck it and disappear except I’d probably go to Hawaii and hang out with people who are hotter than my wife.

If I can gather one coherent thought from the novel other than chugga chugga, it would be “It’s all about me.”  And that already is my philosophy because I’d kill 7 billion people before I would kill myself.  I don’t think Rand would have even done that.  Anyway, I give this book a rating of 0 chugga chuggas out of 10 choo choos.