Explain THAT Science!: Economics

I have to tell you, I am sick of people talking about this “bad economy.” There is no such thing as economies. It is a manufactured modern day myth that secularists push down our children’s throats.

I only believe in microeconomics, not in macroeconomics. My professor back in high school tried to tell me GDP and unemployment numbers are proof of economics. Well, then why is that economic scientists cannot agree on unemployment or GDP numbers? Clearly if economists cannot agree on anything (even if their disagreements are just a few numbers off), then economics is hopeless.

Here are just a few of the many countless reasons of why economists are so wrong. Many economists will talk of some invisible hand. The “invisible hand” is just a tool Adam Smith used in order to deny some intelligent buyer. Seriously though Mr. Smith, why not postulate an invisible body and then give it invisible intelligence while you we’re at it? I believe there must be an Intelligent Buyer. I’m willing to concede though that it might be invisible.

To prevent my economic theory from having an infinite regress, one must postulate an Unsold Seller. St. Dow Jones once said that you cannot run a economy without having some primary seller that makes purchasing possible. This is pretty indisputable since there is no purchase without a seller and we also want to logically avoid infinite regresses in purchasing.

And now for the undeniable conclusion to my argument that will put every secular economist to shame: The Intelligent Invisible Hand, the Intelligent Buyer and the Unsold Seller must all be the same being. And there is three of them, so it must be God! People keep saying that they can’t perceive this Trinity, which is true. You have to have some fai–interest….I meant high interest rates.

Still some people will illogically disagree with my obvious conclusion. But I just say to these people, why did Adam Smith recant on his death bed? By the way, Adam Smith wrote the Wealth of Nations but I don’t see any wealth that doesn’t belong to me or the individual people I encounter. What a liar!

Another important question is, where are all the transactional shops? And people will point to alleged transactional shops but I just respond, well, where are the transactional shops for all the exchanges between those transactions? Too many holes in your theory, Smithists.

Sadly, despite my good arguments, Wall Street is swarming with secular investors (Smithists). Fortunately though, I run a company for Christian investors called Snakehandlin’ Convulsive Annointed Oil Rubbers and Investing (SCAORI). So there is still hope. At SCAORI, we hold big tent “faith investents” in which we place hands on the broker and cast out poverty demons.

If secular investors still are not convinced by my arguments, I’d just like to point out that all monetary transactions are irreducibly complex. Burn!

Finally I’d like to close with this: Hitler was a believer in economics. So was Stalin, albeit a different version (more proof it is a hoax.) Now, I’m not saying that a belief in economics destroyed their moral core, but I am implying it very strongly.

Did you like this article? Then subscribe already!